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I came, I saw, I cheesed

February 13, 2006


I’m quite… actually, very, maybe more than very, angry. But this is so ridiculously funny (rhyme not intended).

I’ve decided to be a Miss Sam Pat and involved in a secret mission in the dark for the past few days. That is because I didn’t want to see the one I care for suffer from chronic depression again.

And mission completed. Guess what? It’s been successful, and I’ve formed a new group out of the mission with two other girls. It’s called the ASD Community. I’ll tell you what it stands for later.

And, I hope you wont be upset anymore, you hear me girl?

Anycheese. This is an extremely long and winding story. I’ll try to make it as brief as possible.

The story started like this. A girl friend dear to me, and for privacy sake, shall I call her GirlA, discovered her ex (who vaguely “broke up” with her, without a clear ending) was cheating on her. She then found out something fishy from a girl’s blog, shall I call her GirlB, which made her highly suspect she was NOT the ONLY VICTIM.

So I approached GirlB without GirlA’s knowledge. But three of us somehow ended up chatting together over MSN. And we found out that this guy, who is a super eccentric weirdo, weirder than Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, so let’s call him Willy Wanker (what can be worse a name to give to a bastard?), is the biggest hypocrite of the century.


Even though I was kinda pissed off by him, and pissed him off in return, I reckon myself as an outsider to this issue but heck, let’s not give him anymore chance to cheat on anyone anymore!

Wanker two-timed (or three-timed, or maybe more, we never know) all his girl friends. And he is such a liar. He told GirlA he was 31, and they celebrated his 31st birthday together. Then GirlA found out he is obviously much older than that. And guess what he told GirlB? That he was 26 LOL. Like come on, wrinkles don't lie okay. Unless you are a premature... oh let's not go there, LOL.

So. Wanker dated GirlB before he officially broke up with GirlA. And while he was dating Girl A, he went after me at the same time. After he was convinced of my utter disinterest, he insulted me in my face, and tried to ruin the precious friendship I have with GirlA by bitching behind my back, telling her to stay away from me because I’m a certain bitch.

Lemmi tell you this, Mister Wanker.

You don’t fucking bitch about a girl whom you don’t get to screw ok. Just admit you are a fucking loser!

Let the below conversation tell everything.

GirlA: B, i just wanna make things clear, has he ever asked u to go oversea with him?
GirlB: *nods*
GirlB: godamnit. he tells every girl the same thing?
Me: I bet. BTW how did he go after you? I reckon he has a certain formula.
GirlB: LOL.
Me: He told me and A that he is “spiritually connected” to us. And that our “incompletion completes him”, and some shit like that.
GirlB: Arggh! Goddamit! Same here!!
Me: See.
GirlB: But it’s ok you know.
GirlA: yea?
GirlB: His dick isn’t big.
GirlA:: OMG
GirlB: very small and well…i pity him
GirlA: Oh myyyy hahahahhaha
Me: LOL!!!
GirlB: damn freaking small
Me: Like how small?
GirlB: when he put inside that time, i was like...arg… you inside me already?!?

GirlA, GirlB and Me: ROFL.

God is fair. =)

I was always convinced that guys who multi-date are only after one thing. And correct I was. SEX! Duh.

After talking to GirlA and GirlB, I would like to summarize one thing.

This is how he goes after a girl:
1) Spots you on the internet.
2) Chats with you a lot, saying you are such a special person.
3) Makes himself sound like Socrates’ grandfather. Makes you fall for him with all his self devised philosophical theory. (BTW, I don’t buy your postmodernism or some empty nothingness shit. Screw yourself.)
4) Writes a fucking poem to you, declaring his love.
5) Dates you out. Tell you that you are the only person in the entire world that he could “spiritually connect” to. And that you are his muse.
6) Beds you.
7) Repeats step one to six onto another target.

We actually suspect there’re lots more victims out there. There could be so many it is possible to form a soccer team.

But heck, we already have a group.

GirlB: but i'm glad to meet u girls up because of him
GirlA: me too
Me: same here.
Me: let’s hang out one day.
GirlB: no prob
GirlA: yayayaya
Me: and form a group named…
GirlB: Anti Small Dick
Me: Yesss!!! ASD it is.
GirlB: 5!
GirlA: 5!
Me: 5!

Wanker broke their hearts. So what. We found each other. And our ASD Community. If you think we are mean, how bout posting a bulletin and tell the entire world what a twisties dick he has? And we are kind enough to not publish his real name, in order to prevent his dick from being publicly ridiculed. How considerate.

Lesson of the day:
If you don’t have a magnificent dick, don’t break a girl’s heart.

Because, you might end up buying yourself inflatable dolls from eBay, or, if you are lucky, receiving dildos for your birthday.

Oh btw guess what? Wanker is a Capri too. Now coincidence huh. Heh. I guess not.

7 people cheesed:

  • At 2/13/2006 03:21:00 PM, Blogger Porkie said…

    I think I know who this is, sounds similar to one of my friend's getting asked to go away with this guy..go to the beach or something.

  • At 2/13/2006 03:27:00 PM, Blogger cheesie said…

    You're right. He asks everyone to go to the beach.

    Just tell whoever you know involved with him this.

  • At 2/13/2006 03:51:00 PM, Blogger Porkie said…

    yeah, another girl you oso know kena too (another of 'the family') but both oso dun wanna know..wahahaha..

    he got to one future angel though..supposed to be close but dunno her and seems like she's not going to be an angel now..

  • At 2/13/2006 11:30:00 PM, Blogger funnycheese said…

    he's a playboy,a pervert and also a fucking sex maniac.
    What ever u all do, do not give up urself.....the best weapon u have is to arm urself with knowledge. Guys over 30 will never fall for young girl who r still studying, their objective is just 1 only, have sex. Going to beach make girls wear bikini, wear sexily, tat y he always ask u girls to the beach.

    Beware of sweet talker, they mostly aren't sincere...better tell the angel what is going on b4 it's too late.

  • At 2/13/2006 11:46:00 PM, Blogger - c h i n g y - said…

    wow. what a dick. pun intended.

    can i join your asd also? XD

  • At 2/14/2006 08:23:00 PM, Blogger Porkie said…

    funny - i'm not in contact with that angel (she didn't actually make it to angel status), not sure anyone i know is.. but i think its a bit too late anyway because she was supposedly quite close and doing work for him ie.. finding girls for supposed modelling jobs..

  • At 4/21/2006 02:21:00 PM, Blogger lenz said…

    Sack him out from Capris...
    And dun insult capris, tat's nth to do with capris but his personality problem -_-


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