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I came, I saw, I cheesed

March 15, 2006

My Imaginary Chalk Diet

A lot of people have been asking if my chalk diet works.

Hell yea it does.

I would really love to share my secret with you but the thing is, I am not sure if it works for the uncheesables.

This is how my imaginary chalk diet works: It requires some diligent Ringoistic meditation practice. And I’m not sure how I’m supposed to teach you that.

First of all you need to be a cheese. If not it doesn’t work.

Secondly, let me ask you one question first.

Which combination is better?

Cheese and wine, or cheese and chalk?

You see, I always thought that cheese, ultimately should be paired with some first class wine. A good wine makes lousy cheeses taste better.

You see wine list and cheese list in a posh restaurant’s menu. Do you see chalk list? According to the dictionary, chalk is some soft white rock originally formed in ancient times from the shells of very small sea animals.

Yucks! You want to eat some decomposed marine creatures?!

But everything has its exception. If you think carefully, “Cheese and wine” itself doesn’t sound that good.

“Would you like some cheese to go with that whine?”

lol. And I’m not a whiney person.

“Cheese and chalk” may sound yucky. Imagine munching on a chalkie stick.

But hey I’m a choc person! I want my choccie!

From today onwards Cheesie will stop being a cheesepocrite who claims to be on the connoisseur stratosphere in wine appreciation and tries too hard to wow the party with her knowledge of specific strains of yeast used in the wine.

She just wanna break a chalkie stick like a kitkat bar! Wahahaha.

Alright, OT. Let’s get back.

So if you still believe in cheese and whine, sorry, the diet doesn’t work too.

If you say “yea I think I would like some chalk shavings for my pizza topping”, congratulations. You are just one step away from obtaining your desired result of the diet.

Now take a cheese breath.

Just imagine yourself turning into a piece of chalk, and that will scare the cheese out of you, hence the reduction of appetite, as simple as that!! =D

Hell yea I know I don’t make sense at all, because the diet makes people hallucinate, kinda works the same as limburger and magic mushroom, so don’t blame me!!


By the cheese.

On second thought, I actually don’t quite want to share my chalk with anyone. LOL.

Sorry peeps. =)

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